What is it about the holidays that makes us all go crazy and act like we are 9 years old again? Yes, we like the sense of wonder and peace, love and joy ... the good feelings of home and security. I mean the feelings of jealosy, inadequacy, greed and anger. They play out every year in some way or another - Sis is mad cause Bro got a bigger thingy and Mom always liked you better too!
These lessons go round and round and even when you think they are gone and dealt with, here they come again with another test, or version... just to see if you still remember how it feels to be forgotten, abused or inadequate. Sigh... when will we learn? I say - when will it STOP!!!
I thought I knew that it is the giving, not the getting. The season is about love, and forgiveness. And not hoping the hubby doesn't get too drunk. Or stay drunk. For the month. Then start channeling his dead mother and screaming at the top of his lungs that I am a bitch and useless and should get a job. Then forget he said that and ask for his dinner.
Call me Scroogette - I've been sick for a week with a horrible cold (flu???) - sore throat, aches, cough, infected looking snot, sinus headache... But I pulled off the week before Christmas - the shopping, wrapping, tree decorating, coookie baking, several major dinners (including a lobster feed and 2 days later an 8 lb roast beef that my mother would have been proud of). I entertained children and made old people smile. I cleaned and cooked, stayed up late more than several nights. Then I didn't burst into tears at Christmas dinner when I toasted my delicious Bordeaux wine by myself. Hubby was already drunk and nasty, and others were full of champagne they had already drunk - and had not offered me a sip!
Boxing Day was worse. I lost my match and got bruises.
Now I am snowed in with the antichrist upstairs and I am afraid to speak a word, because he turns around everything I say and starts yelling at me again.
I don't want to leave my home, but I cannot live in fear of being hurt... or with the fear that I might hurt him. I believe it is dementia brought on from the many years of his alcoholism. It scares me and I'm sure it frightens him too - when he is able to remember.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Redskin - Truth or Lies
Wiscasset High School has decided to keep their mascot name "Redskins" and a survey done during Wiscasset voting, shows that most want to keep the derogatory name. 503 to 128 was the voter spread - in favor of keeping the name.
Comments were also given which included things like "Anyone that wants to change the name should be shot", "Our town, our business", and "Who is offended? People that live 4 hours away?"
The student council had requested visits between Pleasant Point reservation and Wiscasset High to discuss the differences. However, this was canceled after School committee members stated that they did not want their children listening to Native "rhetoric", and the Native school decided that their children shouldn't be exposed to such racism.
The children will indeed learn lessons from this controversy, though not what the closeminded Wiscasset voters have expressed.
I think they have their new name - Wiscasset Rednecks!
Comments were also given which included things like "Anyone that wants to change the name should be shot", "Our town, our business", and "Who is offended? People that live 4 hours away?"
The student council had requested visits between Pleasant Point reservation and Wiscasset High to discuss the differences. However, this was canceled after School committee members stated that they did not want their children listening to Native "rhetoric", and the Native school decided that their children shouldn't be exposed to such racism.
The children will indeed learn lessons from this controversy, though not what the closeminded Wiscasset voters have expressed.
I think they have their new name - Wiscasset Rednecks!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Hecate at the Crossroads
If you know me, you know I celebrate all holidays - any and all religions that speak of truth and love. There cannot be enough reasons to celebrate our love and remember who we are.
Today is a day of celebration for the Goddess Hecate - the Moon Goddess, The Goddess of the Night... she is the 3 faced goddess that hangs at the crossroads and aids travelers on their path. She is known by her flaming wands, her white owl, her howling black dog, and by the frog and the herbs of garlic, vervain and hyssop, as well as the symbol of the full moon flanked with half moons on either side.
Today she is celebrated and revered in remembrance of the dark side of the Moon. We are reminded that all paths begin as one, and it is the turns we make that change our course, for good or ill. To celebrate and honor Her, food and gifts were left at crossroads that were dedicated to Her on this day. The food was left, a blessing said, and the worshipper would quickly leave the scene, without glancing a look behind.
Hecate does not suffer fools gladly, so respect Her in this image and revere Her dark ways. There may be a time when you need Her flaming lights, for we all may loose our way in the dark at times. I'd rather count on my side.
So tonight I shall honor the Triple Goddess, with lights and laughter - tapered with respect and honor. My offerings will be left at the crossroads, with prayers and my love. Then I'll look for the signs to guide my way on this journey we call Life. I'll only pass where flaming torches light the way, where hounds bay loudly, and owls fly free. Where the frogs bless my doorstep and the Triple Goddess shines on me. Let it be so, let it be.
Today is a day of celebration for the Goddess Hecate - the Moon Goddess, The Goddess of the Night... she is the 3 faced goddess that hangs at the crossroads and aids travelers on their path. She is known by her flaming wands, her white owl, her howling black dog, and by the frog and the herbs of garlic, vervain and hyssop, as well as the symbol of the full moon flanked with half moons on either side.
Today she is celebrated and revered in remembrance of the dark side of the Moon. We are reminded that all paths begin as one, and it is the turns we make that change our course, for good or ill. To celebrate and honor Her, food and gifts were left at crossroads that were dedicated to Her on this day. The food was left, a blessing said, and the worshipper would quickly leave the scene, without glancing a look behind.
Hecate does not suffer fools gladly, so respect Her in this image and revere Her dark ways. There may be a time when you need Her flaming lights, for we all may loose our way in the dark at times. I'd rather count on my side.
So tonight I shall honor the Triple Goddess, with lights and laughter - tapered with respect and honor. My offerings will be left at the crossroads, with prayers and my love. Then I'll look for the signs to guide my way on this journey we call Life. I'll only pass where flaming torches light the way, where hounds bay loudly, and owls fly free. Where the frogs bless my doorstep and the Triple Goddess shines on me. Let it be so, let it be.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanks
Can Thanksgiving be here already? Here at Windsong Woods, the Autumn cold is slow in coming. The grass is still green, though the trees have lost their leaves. There is no ice in the pond yet. A few light touches in the early morning, but the usual chill of November has eluded us so far. Years ago, there was always skating on the ice pond in Round Pond, though now we are lucky to be skating by Christmas. The last 12 months have been above normal here in Maine. Global warming is us.
The lobstering has been good, as can be expected in the Fall. There is a lot of trap shifting going on, but the catch is fat and full, when the weather permits. Shrimp season begins next week, or at least the draggers can start at that time. The price will be up this year - an unexpected bonus from the Gulf of Mexico spill last Spring. Their loss - our gain. Somehow I have a hard time feeling happy about that...
I'm still waiting for the first egg from the chicken girls. They are 24 weeks old this week, and I thought they started laying at 20 weeks. I hope I don't have 2 roosters instead of 2 hens.
The Cockatiels, on the other hand, have laid another clutch of eggs since I moved their cage inside. They lay 7 or 8 eggs, spend a month sitting on them, then abandon the small, white treasures. When opened, the eggs are never fertilized. I don't know why. They mate - I've seen them. What a lovely little sound they make with their love too! It is quite pornographic! But nothing ever comes of all their love and hard work. I'm glad, because I would probably have 5 dozen birds by now, but you have to have sympathy for their unfulfilled love.
On the wild bird front - a pair of Cardinals visited yesterday and played in the bush by our bedroom window. What beauty they grace us with, and nothing beats that red coat the male wears. The Titmice are here regularly now too. I always have tons of Chickadees and Goldfinches. I rescued a Chickadee that had flown into the window and was hanging upside down in a bush, gasping and barely hanging on to the branch. I carefully held him in my hand to recover and right himself. He slowly regained his strength and agility, and flew off in about 10 minutes.
The flock of crows - called a murder of crows - comes to eat the corn and sunflower seed all together now. This is the time they flock up to feed and Winter together. There is about 2 dozen regulars, though in the dead of a cold, snowy January, every crow from 50 miles knows where I live.
Cabin fever already too. This house it too small. I cannot type on this without the hubby having a fit... I better go look busy. Ugh.
The lobstering has been good, as can be expected in the Fall. There is a lot of trap shifting going on, but the catch is fat and full, when the weather permits. Shrimp season begins next week, or at least the draggers can start at that time. The price will be up this year - an unexpected bonus from the Gulf of Mexico spill last Spring. Their loss - our gain. Somehow I have a hard time feeling happy about that...
I'm still waiting for the first egg from the chicken girls. They are 24 weeks old this week, and I thought they started laying at 20 weeks. I hope I don't have 2 roosters instead of 2 hens.
The Cockatiels, on the other hand, have laid another clutch of eggs since I moved their cage inside. They lay 7 or 8 eggs, spend a month sitting on them, then abandon the small, white treasures. When opened, the eggs are never fertilized. I don't know why. They mate - I've seen them. What a lovely little sound they make with their love too! It is quite pornographic! But nothing ever comes of all their love and hard work. I'm glad, because I would probably have 5 dozen birds by now, but you have to have sympathy for their unfulfilled love.
On the wild bird front - a pair of Cardinals visited yesterday and played in the bush by our bedroom window. What beauty they grace us with, and nothing beats that red coat the male wears. The Titmice are here regularly now too. I always have tons of Chickadees and Goldfinches. I rescued a Chickadee that had flown into the window and was hanging upside down in a bush, gasping and barely hanging on to the branch. I carefully held him in my hand to recover and right himself. He slowly regained his strength and agility, and flew off in about 10 minutes.
The flock of crows - called a murder of crows - comes to eat the corn and sunflower seed all together now. This is the time they flock up to feed and Winter together. There is about 2 dozen regulars, though in the dead of a cold, snowy January, every crow from 50 miles knows where I live.
Cabin fever already too. This house it too small. I cannot type on this without the hubby having a fit... I better go look busy. Ugh.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Believe in Me
Truth and the perception of truth have been on my mind a lot lately. What may be true for you, could be completely untrue for me. I might feel hot and you might feel cold, though each has truth and a legitimacy to the claim. The problem arises when one tries to convince the other of their own truth. You can argue til your face is blue, but I will still feel hot. Perhaps even hotter at that point.
Let's say smoke is pouring from the eaves of the house and I think it may be on fire and about to burn to the ground. You think it probably is nothing and we should go ahead and drive to the store and forget about it. That is a misperception of truth, not a personal point of view. Further thought and investigation is required to discover wether either of us is right, or that the drier vent is merely releasing the steamy hot air in an odd way because of a NW wind.
The emotional response to this is another added consideration. I may be passionately positive that we are loosing our home and way of life at that moment. Crying, screaming, and yelling will not stop a real fire, or change the fact that it is merely the drier vent.
Reacting or overreacting is an unnecessary complication that should be avoided in discussions of differing points of view. I must remember this during discussions of politics.
Let's say smoke is pouring from the eaves of the house and I think it may be on fire and about to burn to the ground. You think it probably is nothing and we should go ahead and drive to the store and forget about it. That is a misperception of truth, not a personal point of view. Further thought and investigation is required to discover wether either of us is right, or that the drier vent is merely releasing the steamy hot air in an odd way because of a NW wind.
The emotional response to this is another added consideration. I may be passionately positive that we are loosing our home and way of life at that moment. Crying, screaming, and yelling will not stop a real fire, or change the fact that it is merely the drier vent.
Reacting or overreacting is an unnecessary complication that should be avoided in discussions of differing points of view. I must remember this during discussions of politics.
Monday, November 8, 2010
New Moon and Old Politics
High Tide at noon on the New Moon at Pemaquid Point, Maine. On 11-6-10
A new cycle has begun. The New Moon in Scorpio washes away the old leaves with the rain that comes with it. The political cycle begins again as the winners shake their booty and the losers lick their wounds.
I just glad it's over. It's been almost a week and I embrace the quiet as the phone no longer rings all day with recorded messages and surveys. I never give my opinions anymore. I used to tell anyone my innermost thoughts and long held beliefs; back before the political climate felt so volatile and dangerous. Now I politely decline and keep my beliefs to myself.
A violent storm blew through last night with heavy rain and strong winds. My plastic green house cover repair from last spring did not last though and now I have a long, gaping hole in the middle of it. I've been putting the chickens in their during rainy periods, but they refuse to stay in it now and escape thru the sides when they get bored. They are not the smartest birds in the world.
Friday, October 22, 2010
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