Monday, January 24, 2011

Winter Blues

Winter has come with a vengence and we are enjoying lots of cold and storm after storm. We struggle for warmth from the woodstove, which is our only source for heat. I love the warmth that it provides, yet the work involved is more that turning on a switch.
I like the feel of the wood though and the smell as it is carried in. Then the wiff of smoke that fills the house brings warmth to my soul as well.
When it is cold here, like in the single digits, the stove is going all the time. Last night the temp reached 10 below, but we stayed warm and cozy.
The chickens seem to weather the cold just fine, but eat and eat and peck my knees if I'm not quick enough with breakfast.
Yesterday the Winter got much colder too, as Jeff was laid off from his 12 year fishing job. He's actually fished for 30 years, but has stayed on this boat for 12 years. The Capt. is from a long term fishing family and puts quickness over experience at this time in his career.
It wasn't just the swiftness of the dismissal, but rather the hurt that seemed like a slap for the lack of concern for Jeff's future or injury.
There is no unemployment, workman's comp or disability that will pay our bills. The SS disability can drag on for years and will not cover next months mortgage payment... or any mortgage payment for that matter. It will be less than our monthly house payment.
Just when I thought we could make it thru shrimp season... now there will be NO shrimp season. Ahh, Life in all it's glory!
I'd like to think that this will be a time of healing for Jeff, tho I know there is no medicine to bring back his Love to him. I mean he loves me and all, and the kids, and our home... But the Sea is his true Love and the fishing is what matters to him . It was the air, the water, the sights and the sounds, that drew him to work the briny deep. Each sunrise was new with different colors and each sunset merely brought rest for another day of fishing.
Now that is no more. No more jumping out of bed at 3:15 am, and no more watching what the weather will do... The price of lobster makes no difference now and shrimp has lost it's appeal and taste.
I would like to say we still have each other, tho I know that is not what matters.
No - what matters is work that makes a man feel worthwhile, and whole. What matters is keeping our home that he built and designed with his own hands. This is a place for family and friends, both tame and wild, and bigger than just us. The history of our lives is in jeopardy now and our future as well.
I will close at this time and ask for prayers and blessings from those who know and love us. For indeed we will survive. We have suffered loss before and lived to tell the tale. We've been thru death, severe injury and financial disaster before... so we will try again.
This is not what we had wanted or expected, but Life will go on whether we are here or not. Life has a plan that I cannot always see, but I know it is a good one and better that anything I could have dreamed up!
So count your blessings, faithful readers, and watch that handwriting on the wall... And thanks for listening.

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